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What happens when North America wants to be at football’s greatest party…while still calling it soccer

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Brazil and Argentina, and even Uruguay and Mexico are so far ahead of them, that USA and Canada look like babies playing dress-up when it comes to the FIFA World Cup – their fans being equal newbies to the men’s game.

Yet, having qualified for the real World Cup in Qatar, the two North American countries that christen their own domestic leagues as ‘World Series’ in other sports, but haven’t quite made the headway in the world’s most popular sport, are trying their best to fit in at football’s actual party.

Here’s a few snatches of how North America and its media is playing catch-up for FIFA:

Self-effacing, realistic: A goal is enough

CBC News, Canada’s top news network, while trying to drum up excitement and educate the country’s sleepy soccer souls, arrives at the non-moot point: “So, we’re not going to win the World Cup?” after announcing “Canada’s about to play in the World Cup. Here’s all you need to know.” The reason the rousing is needed for what CBC calls the ‘bandwagon fans’ is because it’s happening after 36 years.

Then CBC writer Chris Jones answers: “Experts say probably not — but don’t let that get you down. Remember: this is Canada’s second-ever World Cup. In 1986, the team lost all three games without scoring. The benchmark of success, in some ways, is a goal… If they get a win, that would be enormous.” The soccer writer Chris Jones, who will be in Qatar covering the World Cup for CBC Sports wrote: “If Canada gets out of the group [stage]that’s incredible, like, that’s our version of winning the World Cup.”

Format explaining

Because leagues in northern America like NBA, the NHL and NFL run through the season and end in conference finals and playoffs, the sheer format of this one-month World Cup ending December 18, is a novelty for many readers. So, CBC breaks it down in a World Cup for dummies format, starting with “The World Cup is held every four years.”

The CBC primer for newbies reads: “Canada is one of 32 teams after qualifying in its continental federation’s tournament. The World Cup final is scheduled for Dec. 18, with the winner taking home the FIFA World Cup trophy. In case you were wondering, there’s also a Women’s World Cup, which will be held in Australia and New Zealand next July — and Canada will be playing.”

Explaining the four matches each day over a 12-day period of group matches, CBC introduces ‘points’ and the idea of ​​knockouts with quarterfinals, semis and finals. “In this (group) stage, a win is worth three points, a draw is worth one and a loss earns zero points. The top two teams from each group — that is, the teams with the most “points” — will advance to the knockout round.

CBC gives a soft-landing of realism a go when analyzing who Canada will be up against. “Canada is in group F, so will play Belgium (Nov. 23), Croatia (Nov. 27) and Morocco (Dec. 1) in the group stage. For the soccer uninitiated, that’s three tough matchups: Belgium is currently second in FIFA’s men’s rankings, Croatia lost the 2018 World Cup final to France, and Morocco was undefeated in its World Cup qualifying run.”

Teaching to name-drop

It’s as much about unfamiliarity as it is about the game of football trying to break through the clutter of the conventional big North American team sports – ice hockey and American football (with that oblong ball and shoulder guards and helmets).

“Tell me more about the Canadian team. Who should I name-drop?” goes the CBC guide. It shall be in vogue to worry about the fitness of the headliner Alphonso Davies, “one of the world’s best young soccer players.”

The 22-year-old suffered a hamstring strain while playing for Bayern Munich, but the German club assured CBC News that Davies’ participation in the World Cup “is not at risk”.

Another player bigged-up for the World Cup by the media, is Tajon Buchanan, 23 described as “also a rising international star who plays for Belgian First Division A side Club Brugge in the UEFA Champions League. “This is a very exciting player. This is a guy who opposing defenders absolutely loathe dealing with because he’s so quick,” said soccer journalist John Molinaro, a CBC contributor and the founder of TFC Republic.” Molinaro follows Toronto FC when no one else does, and is a typical football enthusiast keeping the ignoramus updated as the World Cup fuss invades their sporting conscience.

CBC also writes: “Captain Atiba Hutchinson is overcoming a long injury to play in his first World Cup. At 39, it’s also set to be his last. “From an emotional perspective, it’ll be fun to see him [play],” said Andi Petrillo, host of CBC Sports’ Soccer North.”

There’s a lot of curiosity about who could end up scoring Canada’s first goal at a World Cup. CBC ventures: “Also keep an eye out for defensive midfielder Stephen Eustaquio and forward Jonathan David who are both heading to Qatar from standout seasons in Europe. “If you had to place a bet on which Canadian man was going to score the first goal in World Cup history, I think Jonathan David is a really good bet,” Jones said.

The Pulisic coffee table book & how men’s team needs spelling out

Only the quaint and exotic sports get the coffee table book treatment. Messi and Ronaldo have smart phone updates.

Wyatt Meyer is a midfielder for Cal Bears and grew up loving Berkeley’s Mavericks soccer side. Reviewing the coffee table book “Pulisic: My Journey So Far” for Soccer America, the blogger writer, highlights the career of the 24-year-old captain of the USMNT: the US Men’s National Team.

The MNT needs stressing on because, unlike everywhere else in the world, the United States of America’s men’s team is largely unknown compared to their women’s, which has won the World Cup multiple times.

Christian Pulisic won the UEFA Champions League title with Chelsea and is fairly well known outside, but the youngest player to captain the USMNT, who dabbled in basketball and golf but held out in soccer.

“Both of Pulisic’s parents, Mark and Kelley played college soccer at George Mason, and Mark played and coached indoor pro ball. Christian hung around pro players when he was a young boy, and his club ball became highly competitive at a young age, with PA Classics. “My life was not only soccer all the time, to be honest,” he says,” Soccer America writes, adding “he would spend hours practicing skills and working on his ball control, emulating the moves of his idols Wayne Rooney, Luis Figo and Ronaldinho.”

Pulisic’s stint with the US youth national teams attracted European scouts and by 17, he was at Borussia Dortmund. For someone who started out in a dirt park in Pennsylvania and played for PA Classics, the US captain writes of growing up in a non-football hub. “I wasn’t trying to impress people or have people see me play; I just loved the game. I played because I loved soccer, not because I was trying to make it somewhere or go somewhere. I just liked the game. That’s it.” Now, he’s at the World Cup.

Only North Americans will understand…sniff sigh

There is some concern for those who will trot out to play – including the ice hockey loving nation, grappling with the idea of ​​playing any sport in a 30 degree geography on earth. It’s also their entryway into the subject of migrant deaths, during the construction of stadiums, caused by the heat.

CBC wrote: “First, the heat: Expect to see the players sweating in 30 C-plus temperatures. The tournament was moved from June-July to November to keep it a bit cooler. But that shift also means many players are coming straight from European and North American soccer seasons, without a break to acclimatize to the heat.”

Prof. Stephen Cheung, an expert in environmental stress on human physiology at Brock University in St. Catharines, Ont says, ”They are probably going to be a bit more sloppy and slower, so to speak, in their play than if they were in a kind of a perfect thermal situation.”

Perhaps used to the Olympic Games shifting around their prime times – no matter where they are held – to align with American broadcasters, the “North” will have to tune in at uncomfortable times with FIFA making no such concessions for the USA. “Unfortunately for Canadian fans, World Cup kickoff times are between 5 am and 2 pm ET, which could make it challenging to tune in on a workday (especially from a bar), unless your boss is also a soccer fan,” CBC writes.

There’s the final footnote on a certain Messi and Ronaldo and their “Last Dance.” “Two huge names in soccer are (probably) playing their final World Cup: Argentina’s Lionel Messi and Portugal’s Cristiano Ronaldo. Neither has ever won the World Cup, so hoisting the trophy during their final tournament would be a massive deal for either captain — and their country’s fans.”

Is it Soccer or Football?

In the end, CBC confronts the question asked every four years – like India’s ‘a population of billions and so few Olympic medals.’ It’s less aggravating, but a head scratcher nonetheless. “Finally, am I supposed to say soccer or football?” CBC answers: “Although Canada, the US and Australia call the game “soccer,” the World Cup is officially a “football” competition, and FIFA is short for Fédération Internationale de Football Association. You can keep calling it soccer if you want — just be prepared for other teams’ fans to correct you.”

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