Dear Smiley: I had the pleasure of watching my granddaughter, Ruby, play in a soccer game on her sixth birthday.
There isn’t much team strategy in soccer at this age level. Both teams kind of gravitate around the moving ball, with most not really doing much beyond following said ball up and down the field — and often off the field.
A six-year-old’s grasp of the field’s boundaries is limited to “Who cares?”
On several occasions both teams chased the ball well out of bounds — like maybe 20 yards out — and continued playing with as much enthusiasm as if it were still in bounds, until the coach finally yelled, “The field is over here!”
Ruby, the birthday girl, still wearing her crown, decided she had enjoyed as much of this soccer stuff as she could stand, and was content kicking over the boundary markers.
She was more interested in getting back to her cake and ice cream.
LANE CASTEIX
Jefferson
Call me mister
Dear Smiley: Your “inept forgers” stories reminded me of my high school days at Woodlawn.
One of my best guy friends wanted me to skip school with him. So he called the front office and in a deep voice asked that Cindy Black be checked out.
The secretary asked who he was. He said, “Mr. Black.” He didn’t know my father’s first name, and so we were busted.
I was called to the office — but not to be checked out!
CINDY BLACK BOUCHIE
Pineville
One good turn
Dear Smiley: On weekends, I try to test drive my wife’s car to make sure it is in proper running order. A few years ago I drove it and found the left-hand turn signal light had burned out. I replaced it and everything was fine.
When I relayed this to her and asked why she hadn’t alerted me to this problem, she replied, “When I travel from home to work and return I make all right-hand turns.”
I responded, “Hold up! When you return from work to home, you reverse direction and make all left-hand turns.”
She responded, “You don’t understand!” When I go to work and return, I make one big circle, making all right-hand turns!”
This is one of those exquisite “gotcha moments” I hope I never forget!
BILL HAYNEY
Slidell
Starch of choice
Dear Smiley: I came to New Orleans in the mid-1970s to get my masters at Tulane, and ended up marrying a Cajun girl from Eunice. Her prize wedding gift was an electric rice cooker!
After returning from our honeymoon cruise, we settled into married life here in Nawlins.
I grew up in Georgia with my Buffalo mom and my Erie dad. We ate potatoes!
After six weeks of rice every night, I asked her if we could have potatoes.
Sure enough, the next night we had potatoes…and rice!
RICHARD MINK
Metairie
TV monster
Dear Smiley: On the subject of TV tubes:
We were newly married, with a baby and no money. We obtained a second-hand Zenith console TV on a rent-to-own ($5 a month for six months).
When it was finally ours, the picture tube went out.
I learned that I could buy a picture tube at a wholesale electronic parts store for a reasonable price. BUT all the literature said don’t try to change a picture tube yourself because it could explode.
But not having a choice, I decided to go for it.
With my wife standing by in the next room to call an ambulance, I put on a motorcycle helmet with a full-face shield, a baseball catcher’s chest protector, and leather welder’s gloves up to my elbow.
Believe it or not, I got it installed and working.
If anyone had seen me, I’m sure I looked like a creature from outer space.
JIM SKELLY
Pearl River County, Mississippi
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