Just like Mariah Carey, I don’t want a lot for Christmas, there is just one thing I need.
I don’t care about the presents under the Christmas tree.
I just want this for myself, more than you could ever know.
Make my wish come true, cause all I want for Christmas is… better mobile phone reception at Karrinyup Shopping Centre.
OK, so maybe Mariah’s version is a little catchier, and sounds better when sung across her incredible five-octave range, but I’m betting my Christmas wish will resonate with Perthlings.
Seriously, what is with the diabolical mobile phone reception at Karrinyup?
Did the center’s $800 million redevelopment include wrapping it in three frikkin’ inches of lead to shield it from the specific frequency of electromagnetic waves that mobile phones use?
Because, the deeper you venture into Karrinyup’s cavernous interior, the fewer bars of reception you find on your phone, until, eventually, they disappear altogether and all you’re left with is an ominous network status that reads “SOS”.
Unfortunately, trying to contact a loved one to figure out where they are in the center or messaging a co-worker to find out what the office secret Santa spending limit is, does not qualify as an SOS call, so you’re sh.t outta luck if you’re at Karrinyup and need your phone to do either of those things.
And don’t even think about using your phone to Google whether that Wedgewood Christmas bauble you fancy at Myer is any cheaper at David Jones, because you have more chance of passing it successfully through your small intestine.
The parlous state of phone reception at Karrinyup is so annoyingly counter-productive to the shopping experience that the only people who could possibly be OK with it are conspiracy theorists happy that they can leave their tinfoil hats at home, because the center itself is doing the job of blocking their brainwaves from Big Government and the CEO of Pfizer.
You can bet center management is well aware of the issue, because it has been infuriating customers ever since the redevelopment was completed last year.
So, why hasn’t anything been done about it?
Well, after walking around the center on the weekend, I’d say a big factor is that the dismal phone reception has not in any way stopped people from spending bucket-loads of cash at Karrinyup.
You know, the old “if it IS broke, but we’re still making bank, don’t fix it” adage.
Center management might also attempt to peddle its free WI-FI network to customers as a solution, but no one wants that.
Add all this up, and I know I speak for thousands of people when I ask, nay, BEG Santa to work his magic and get his elves to build a few in-building signal repeaters and deliver them to Karrinyup center management.
Preferably before December 25, too, because last-minute Christmas shopping is painful enough without poor phone reception preventing you from doom-scrolling on Instagram while you wait for a loved one to pick the perfect pressie for Aunty Beryl.
.