It’s one that has treated her well over the years, even though she is usually the only female both on her team, and on the ice. But that changed one night early last season, when members of an opposing team’s student section chanted misogynistic phrases at her during a game. And after a video of those chants surfaced, Willow was thrust into the public eye when it got picked up on social media and the news.
She had originally wished to remain anonymous, because she didn’t want to be the center of attention. But after the incredible outpouring of support from throughout the community, Willow has come to realize that she is now a big influence on other girls who love hockey, but might not always feel welcomed in the sport.
So before this year’s hockey season begins, Willow wanted to share her story in her own words – and a message of empowerment – in the hopes of helping and inspiring others.
“For all the girls out there who want to play hockey, whether on a girls’ team or a boys’ team, I’m telling you to go for it,” she said. “You are good enough to play whatever you want, with whoever you want. Who cares how good you do or how bad you do, as long as you try your best. These sports are just for fun. Don’t let other people ruin your love for something. Play your heart out. Keep your head high.”
Willow has been on all-boys teams ever since she started playing organized hockey at a young age, and feels fortunate to have had such a great support system that entire time. She’s gotten really close with her teammates, and is super comfortable with them because they’ve played together for so long.
It’s at the point where Willow really doesn’t think about how she’s usually the only girl. It mostly just comes up whenever kids on the other team think, “It’s a girl in goal? Oh, we’re definitely going to beat this team.” On those occasions, Willow would just let her play do the talking. More often than not, she would get the win, and earn their respect. But things were different that night last October. They went from relatively harmless to outright bullying.
At first, she didn’t fully register what was being said, only hearing one of the vulgar sayings being shouted. It wasn’t until practice the next day, when Willow’s coaches checked in to see how she was doing, that she really started to understand what had happened. And while she was doing okay, it meant a lot knowing that her coaches were among the people who would be there for her if she wasn’t.
“You need to make sure you have people in your life who will listen to you, people you trust to talk to,” Willow said. “A good support system – coaches, parents, teachers, counselors, friends, even your friends’ parents. This also isn’t just something that happens in sports. It happens anywhere in life.”
Willow has tried not to take any of the comments personally, choosing instead to take the high road. She believes that sometimes people say things that they don’t really mean, and don’t realize until later how hurtful they actually were. At the moment, they were just trying to get a reaction out of her, and hadn’t thought about the consequences.
But for as much as it’s important for athletes to stay mentally strong and try to block everything out, Willow knows that sometimes it can be hard not to believe nasty things that are said. That, as she puts it, you could have a dream, but have a voice in your head telling you you’re never going to get there. You could feel like every step you are taking is in the wrong direction, and then have people telling you that you aren’t good enough. You aren’t good enough to be playing this sport, especially with all the boys; you are the reason your team is losing every game; and you should just quit already.
“These things that people tell us, most of us let stay in our heads and then every time something bad happens in our sport, we say, see, they were right. I’m not good enough to do this,” Willow said.
But Willow wants you to know that you ARE good enough. That you are amazing, that you are a great athlete, and you can do anything you put your mind to.
She’s felt fortunate to get that sort of positive reinforcement through messages from fellow goalies like Team USA Olympic medalist Brianne McLaughlin and former Penguin Marc-Andre Fleury, who sent Willow a stick and a video message telling her not to let kids acting like jerks define her. , that they don’t matter.
She’s also gotten it from her community, who sent well wishes through items like flowers and cards to her high school before showing up in droves when the Penguins organization hosted Willow and the Mars team at UPMC Lemieux Sports Complex for their matchup with South Fayette. That night, the building was absolutely packed past capacity for Willow, who was overwhelmed – in a good way – by all the love, particularly from fellow female athletes.
“It was awesome. Because even though we were losing very badly, they were cheering for us,” Willow said. “I didn’t realize that many people at my school wanted to come and support, and how many girls were there. There’s a couple that came to the locker room afterwards and asked to get a picture with me.”
And now, Willow hopes to help pay all of that forward to everyone who may be harboring any doubts around doing something she loves so much. Because in her experience, the positives far outweigh the negatives. Playing hockey has been fun, kept her active, and helped her make some great friendships with teammates who care about her and will look out for her heading into this season… one that she’s really excited for.
“There is always going to be a mountain to climb,” she said. “There are always going to be struggles to face in life. There are always going to be bullies and people who knock you down, but they are not going to be what break you. You have to keep going, keep pushing through. Show them who you are and what you can do. Who cares if you’re a girl playing football, hockey, baseball, lacrosse, or ANY other sport with or without boys. Show them you belong there. If you are playing what you love, then ignore the comments made towards you and be the best you that you can be.”
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