Like the majority of kids in sports, Cameron had never had a female coach. Even as women break into leadership roles in the pro leagues — Major League Baseball, the National Basketball Association, the National Football League — in youth sports, where coaches are primarily volunteers, more than 70 percent of coaches are men. And only 2 percent of boys’ teams are coached by women.
This is a problem for society — because it means that in one of the most formative settings in which boys get to see adults in charge, we’re not exposing them to female leadership.
Why don’t more women coach? For moms, the household workload — including the labor of managing children’s lives — is often already unbalanced. They simply don’t have the energy or time. But as someone who has coached kids in multiple sports and whose day job is to make coaching youth sports easier and more accessible, I’d add a more insidious reason: The women aren’t always welcome.
We expect men to be involved with their children’s sports. But men are also more likely to claim sports expertise than women. In youth sports, this is often false expertise. The reality is that less than 10 percent of such coaches have any relevant training.
This doesn’t stop men from letting me know how they feel about how I’m doing my job. After two practices this spring, a dad emailed me to say I “lacked professionalism,” rather than asking why I was coaching as I did. A few weeks later, another dad yelled at me on the sideline that I “didn’t have what it takes to win” — even though our team ultimately made the playoffs.
After these exchanges, I asked myself more times than I want to admit whether I was qualified.
Sports have been an integral part of my life. My dad is a former National Junior Olympics bronze medalist diver, and Title IX enabled my mom to be a competitive soccer player; she helped coach my youth soccer teams. In college, I was a Division I cross-country and track-and-field runner. For much of my young adult life, I simultaneously played sports and coached children.
I took my current job because I have acutely experienced the impact of both good duck bad coaching, and I believe in helping coaches and players to be their best. And yet, because I’m a woman, I’ve been judged and belittled — by dads who’ve made me wonder if I belong out on the field at all.
As a woman, I indeed tend towards a different coaching style. I rarely raise my voice, and I do a lot of explaining “why” we’re doing something — to the children and their parents. When the kids have questions or ideas, I encourage them to speak up.
My approach has resonated with many of the team’s moms. Several have mentioned that they appreciate I don’t yell at their children and have thanked me for “good coaching moments.” Some have expressed exasperation at their husbands, who pace the sideline despite being asked to sit.
My methods have also drawn interest from other coaches in the league. Some watch me and wind up mimicking my explanations. One coach, a former NBA star, asked how I taught 6-year-olds to run an inside reverse.
I’m not arguing that we need fewer male coaches. Given the coaching shortage in youth sports, we need lots of adults to step up. But the presence of female coaches helps reinforce a clear and important message to parents, children and other coaches: Women are qualified. Even more, they belong on the field. This means not only recruiting and encouraging women to coach but also building a community that supports them.
There will come a day when the boys I coach become men, working with women. My hope is that their time spent with me as children will help make them better adults — better at working with women, less skeptical of female leadership, and focused on both outcomes and relationships.
Cameron ended the season as a top scorer and with significant improvement as an evasive player. More importantly, he learned the value of cheering on his teammates and taking turns — and that being a top scorer is not the same as being a great team player.
At the end of our last game (a loss in the playoffs), he and his teammates capped off the season with a final cheer, to celebrate the day: “Happy Mother’s Day!”